


thank you

by kirapologist



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Yagami Light Is Not Kira (Death Note), Books, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matsuda is bi, Questioning, autistic matsuda, library dates, light is questioning his sexuality, matsuda helps him come to terms with it, really short chapters until i find my footing, the kira case still exists though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28003236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirapologist/pseuds/kirapologist
Summary: Light confronts Matsuda, the only openly queer person he knows, about his sexuality. Book swapping, friendship, and yearning ensues.(on hiatus until further notice)
Relationships: Matsuda Touta/Yagami Light
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> yeahhh i just really love them

On any other day, Light would’ve loved a slow day at work. Normally, he would spend the day lounging on the couch at headquarters, sipping a mug of tea prepared by Watari while he scrolled through Twitter or Tiktok. Today, though, his stomach was twisted in a knot, and he had no interest in tea or internet drama. Light asked L several times if there were any tasks he could take care of, but was waved away each time. 

“You’re awfully antsy today, Light,” L observed. He swiped a bit of frosting off of the cake on his desk and licked his finger. “Hm, are you perhaps preparing to confess? Finally going to atone for your crimes?”

“Ha-ha,” Light muttered as he rose from his seat on the couch. He was in no mood to be bickering with the detective about his innocence, especially not today. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Light began heading to the kitchen down the hall, making sure not to let L discover his whereabouts, knowing he’d ask Light to make him another cup of coffee with an obscene amount of sugar. I’m not his maid. He already has Watari- why does he need everyone else on the Task Force to bend over backwards for him, too? 

Footsteps behind him interrupted Light’s dreadful monologuing. He spun around to see Matsuda jogging towards him, coffee in one hand and a thick hardcover book in the other. The older man tried to wave, spilling a few drops of coffee in the process. “Light!” Matsuda took a moment to breathe before presenting the book to Light. “You like architecture, don’t you? Sorry if I’m mistaken, I totally didn’t mean to bother you, it’s just that I heard Chief mention it when I was over for dinner with your family the one night and-”

“Matsuda!” Light cut off the other man’s rambling with a soft smile. “Yes, I do like architecture. It’s nice that you remembered. May I?” He gestured to the book and Matsuda nodded, allowing him to take it from his grasp. “Huh, where did you find this?” Light flipped through the book with gentle fingers, not wanting to crease the pages. It was an old edition of an architecture book; one Light had a newer copy of. 

Matsuda shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to contain his excitement from knowing Light was impressed. “I go to the library down the street from here on my break sometimes,” he explained. “They’ve got a box of free books you can take if they’re in poor condition or haven’t been borrowed in a long time.” He reached into the inside pocket of his blazer and pulled out a smaller novel. “Look, I even got this mystery novel for myself! Anyway, I saw that and thought of you, so it’s yours to keep.”

Light was taken aback by Matsuda’s kindness. Sure, it was normal for the other man to be compassionate, but this felt more… personal. He snapped the book shut and tucked it under his arm. “Thank you, Matsuda. Actually, this is perfect timing. I’ve been meaning to ask you about something.” He took a deep breath, his demeanor quickly changing. Matsuda’s eyes widen with concern.

“Hey, if this is about the time I dropped my yogurt cup on your bookbag, that was totally an accident and I made sure to replace it right away-”

Light stared at him. “Wh- no! Hang on, you spilled yogurt on my bookbag?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Suddenly he didn’t feel so nervous anymore. He retrieved the book from under his arm and rubbed his thumb across the gold lettering on the cover, trying to ground himself as he spoke. “It’s just that, well…” Light averted his gaze, anxiety swelling within him once again. He’d been hauling up these feelings for so long, and it was agonizing that the first person he was willing to approach about it was Matsuda. “How did… How did you know you liked guys?”


	2. time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so this is another really short chapter because i physically could not write anymore. we love adhd right guys

"How did… How did you know you liked guys?" Light cringed once he said the words out loud, immediately wanting to take it all back and run in the other direction. He should not have let his guard down in front of  _ Matsuda  _ of all people. God, this was humiliating. Slowly, Light met Matsuda's gaze and he pursed his lips, trying to hide any evidence of his anxiety. "I'm asking for a friend, of course. I have a friend who is questioning their sexuality."

"A friend," Matsuda repeated. The sheepish grin on his face told Light he didn't believe a single word he said. "Well, I'd be happy to tell you, Light! I'm honored that you came to me." Matsuda patted Light’s shoulder. “How about we meet up tomorrow after work to chat? I’ve been on my break for a little too long so I’m not sure if I have time today…”

Light nodded, relieved that he didn’t have to become any more vulnerable in front of his co-worker, at least for today. He watched Matsuda rush back to the meeting room before turning back towards the kitchen, flipping through his new book as he did so. A small smile made its way to his face, but he quickly covered it up, returning to a regular stoic expression. 

* * *

By the end of the day, Light felt strangely calm. His short conversation with Matsuda had left him at ease, allowing him to sail through the rest of the work day with minimal problems. He sat at his computer, typing up a report on the latest victims of the Kira case, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Light, everyone else has left. Did you want to go home?” L removed his hand and brought his thumb up to his lip, worrying the skin there. 

Light glanced at the time at the bottom of his screen. 10:45 pm; it was pretty late. He got up from his chair and held down the power button on the monitor, shutting it down. “Right, sorry Ryuzaki. I’ll leave you be.” Light bid farewell to L and Watari before stepping out into the brisk autumn air. He preferred to walk home on nights like this to clear his head, especially after a long day at work. 

As he walked, Light's mind began to race. He debated on calling up L to let him know he'd gotten sick, or just not show up, anything to get him out of his conversation with Matsuda. Surely he'd been wrong about all of this. Light picked at a string that was coming loose on his sweater to distract his thoughts. "I 've never even… been with a guy that way," he mumbled to himself. He yanked the string out from his sweater and tossed it on the ground. Light began walking a little faster as his heart rate picked up. He'd never felt so alone, so vulnerable before. 

The brunette inhaled sharply before stepping into the house and slammed the door behind him, leaning against it. He had no idea how he would sleep tonight, but at least that gave him time to plan.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear i will write more next time i swear im sorry this wasnt great

**Author's Note:**

> follow my twitter @kirapologist if you want!! i like to post updates about my writing as well as headcanons over there. things will get more interesting and chapters will become longer later, i promise. i was just really anxious to get this out bc i've been thinking about it for a while.


End file.
